Guilt: Giving Ourselves Mercy
May 1, 2022 13:42:14 GMT
Post by Sef on May 1, 2022 13:42:14 GMT
I am a ruminator and a worrier by nature, and nearly every pet loss I have ever experienced over the years has triggered some variation of the mind-game "Am I to blame?" Grief puts our actions on trial, as does our brain's need to try to look for cause and effect. It is simply how we are wired. We love our babies so very much and can't help but feel as though we could have done more or should have done things differently when we are struggling with loss, but it is so very unfair to add that burden to our already broken hearts. Sometimes we have to be own our best advocate rather than our own worst enemy and let go of those negative, self-blaming thoughts.
Maybe there were things we could have done better or differently for our pets at the end, but there were so many more things that we did just right throughout their time with us: adopting them, loving them, giving them good food, a warm bed, the countless treats, grooming them, giving them good medical care, spoiling them rotten, the many hours snuggling with them, the travel or playtime...the list goes on and on. Even if a decision we made or something we did actually contributed in some way to the outcome (as in my own case with Harold, whom I lost in November 2020), we still need to be willing to give ourselves a break and consider the loving intent behind our actions. My intent was to help Harold feel better that fateful day when he was having a very bad IBS flare-up. I never intended to mis-dose his medication; I was truly doing what I thought was best for him based on what was in front of me at the time.
I don't know how you feel about mindfulness and meditation, but I think this is a very well-written article that, while not specific to pet loss, hits many of the same chords and has a lovely exercise for giving ourselves "mercy" when we are playing the blame-game with ourselves:
Guilt & Blame: Giving Yourself Mercy When You Feel You are to Blame.
Let us know what you think.
Maybe there were things we could have done better or differently for our pets at the end, but there were so many more things that we did just right throughout their time with us: adopting them, loving them, giving them good food, a warm bed, the countless treats, grooming them, giving them good medical care, spoiling them rotten, the many hours snuggling with them, the travel or playtime...the list goes on and on. Even if a decision we made or something we did actually contributed in some way to the outcome (as in my own case with Harold, whom I lost in November 2020), we still need to be willing to give ourselves a break and consider the loving intent behind our actions. My intent was to help Harold feel better that fateful day when he was having a very bad IBS flare-up. I never intended to mis-dose his medication; I was truly doing what I thought was best for him based on what was in front of me at the time.
I don't know how you feel about mindfulness and meditation, but I think this is a very well-written article that, while not specific to pet loss, hits many of the same chords and has a lovely exercise for giving ourselves "mercy" when we are playing the blame-game with ourselves:
Guilt & Blame: Giving Yourself Mercy When You Feel You are to Blame.
Let us know what you think.