Grief Triggers

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Grief Triggers

Very often, holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries can trigger feelings of deep longing as we remember and grieve the loss of our animal companions. Sometimes a trigger simply comes from out of the blue. Know that this is perfectly normal and to be expected. Our pets are such a huge part of our lives, sharing so many special times of the year with us and having special days of their own to remember and celebrate. While it is normal for these “triggers” to cause us renewed sadness, there are things we can do to avoid becoming too overwhelmed by our emotions. Here are a few suggestions for coping with grief triggers:


Birthdays, Anniversaries, Etc.

• Plan to spend the day doing something enjoyable or nourishing for yourself. Perhaps there is a good book you would like to read, a puzzle you would like to work on, or an uplifting movie you would like to watch? Consider journaling, meditating, prayer, Yoga, or some other introspective activity.
  
• If you are creative or have hobbies, consider devoting this day to painting, drawing, woodworking, knitting, writing, etc.
• Look into a class that you can attend, either in-person or online. There are countless free courses that teach everything from Tai Chi to gourmet cooking. What is something you have always wanted to learn? This might be the perfect time to delve into it.
• If you are a senior, look into community activities with other seniors in your area. There are also many programs for teens and young adults that might be of interest, based on your age group.
• Call a supportive friend or use the day to catch up on emails.
• Get busy with a project around the house. This might be a good opportunity to organize the garage or basement, plant a garden, re-arrange the furniture, sort through old clothes, or otherwise do things that will give you a feeling of accomplishment.
• Count your blessings. Who or what do you have to be grateful for?
• If practical, get out and get some fresh air. Walking in a park, riding a bicycle, swimming, or other physical activities can help reduce anxiety or sadness. If you are limited in what you can do outdoors, consider visiting a museum, library, or mall.
• Consider making it a day of volunteerism in honor of your pet. This could be with a local animal welfare organization, or with a community outreach program to help seniors, children, or others.
• If you are unable to volunteer outside the home, consider putting together “care packages” for animal rescues or other organizations. Check with them beforehand to see what is on their Wish List. Perhaps you could arrange these items in a box or basket and label it “Care Package in Loving Memory of _______________.”
  

During the Holidays

• Allow yourself to tell others that this is a difficult time for you and allow yourself to limit celebrations or other activities that you don’t feel up to this year.
• Consider making the holidays look and feel different from previous years. Maybe start a new tradition? Scale down on certain activities? Or skip a tradition that doesn’t feel quite right?
• Perhaps create a special ornament with your pet’s picture and name on it and hang it in a prominent place or find other ways to incorporate their likeness into your holiday decorations.
  
• Consider buying a gift that you might have given to your pet and give it to the pet of a friend or family member instead.
• Hang a stocking for your pet and ask friends or family to fill it with notecards with their favorite memories on your pet on them.
• Write a love letter to your pet that you can wrap and place under the tree.
• Share favorite photos and holiday stories about your pet with supportive friends and family.
• Mention your pet as part of the family meal blessing.
• Know that missing your pet, feeling sad, and crying when you need to are all perfectly okay and understandable. Don’t ignore your emotions. It is also okay to feel joy at the holidays, too—without feeling guilty about it.
• Avoid isolation but do allow yourself to say “no” to others and “yes” to yourself when you need to. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself in recognizing your own needs.
  
• Check with a local rescue or other animal welfare organization to see what toys or treats you can donate to the animals in their care or consider volunteering your time. You can also make a donation in loving memory of your pet.
• Or consider volunteering at a soup kitchen or other community program for those who are less fortunate. Helping others can be enormously fulfilling any time of the year and can remind us that we still have much to be thankful for despite our loss.
• Consider participating in a pet loss support group or talking with a pet loss specialist or licensed therapist (preferably one who is experienced in dealing with pet loss) if you need a little extra help getting through the holidays.
• Take time to remember your deceased pet in a way that is meaningful to you. This can be something as simple as lighting a candle, writing them a letter, or just finding a quiet space in which to spend some time talking with them and expressing your gratitude.
• Take comfort in all of the fond memories that you have of your pet. Although they are not physically with you this holiday season, your warm memories of them keep them very much alive in your heart where you can carry them with you always.